Staring at me from the counter sits a basket full of cards and letters from dear friends and family who have written to share their love and our sorrow. Many of them I have read, but some of them not, since we left so soon after Luke's funeral service for CO. Since we've been back, school and ordering the house have taken the majority of our time, and by the time the evening routine finishes up, I'm just about finished up myself.
So there they sit, some of them waiting to be opened, some to be read and others to be responded to. It is a good problem to have. It means we have many, many dear family and friends who have walked this road with us and who love us. Thank you, thank you, for loving us and acquainting yourselves with our grief.
Necessities have crowded out grief for a time: three children asking for me to read to them; two boys wanting me to see their latest Thomas or block creations; laundry laying on the guest room bed beckoning as I pass through the hall towards my room. Where is the time for all that needs doing?
For a long time Luke's "Patient's Belongings" bags from the hospital sat untouched among other clutter amassed after rearranging the kids' rooms last fall. I finally brought myself to go through them, and, of course, the tears flowed. Luke's thermometer, his patient ID tag, his red Wubbanub dog that held his pacifier. How I missed him! Fresh tears fell after many days of dryness. It was good but difficult—one more step in the grieving process; one less to-do demanding action.
And so the cards sit. I am planning to read them, but it is easier not to. It is easier to live each day with its distractions than to feel anew the pain of loss. But I know it is time to get through them: to cry, to remember, and to feel loved and encouraged through it all. It's all such a strange mixture of emotion it can feel confusing. But I trust God will sort it out in my spirit by His Spirit.
Though thank you's are in the works and taking more time than I'd like to make it to the mailbox, please know that if you sent a card or gift, we are so grateful for your love, kindness and thoughtfulness. God has provided for our expenses through you, sometimes before we even knew we had need. Lydia has had more seizures and so we begin our journey to discover their causes and treatment, but the ER bill was easier to stomach because of your generosity. We covet yet more prayers on her behalf.